It hit me like a ton of bricks: You oughta “Pray, and not faint.”

I’ve heard and read that verse hundreds of times. It never mattered until last night. I was laying in my bed stewing over a problem at work, one that I can’t fix. Try though I might, I can’t muster up the power to fix it. It frustrates me. I toss and turn. I speak negatively to myself “Now you’ve done it. You can’t fix this one. You’re gonna fail. You’ll go down in flames. Loser.”

Then out of nowwhere (really?) came the thought “Pray and not faint.”

In Luke 18 Jesus was teaching his followers about the importance of having substantial faith instead of giving up. Here I was having “give up” talk with myself.

“Pray, and don’t faint.”

When I face trouble, its usually business related, and there’s usually a dollar figure attached to it. When its those “write a check and cure the problem” type of troubles its easy. When its those “can’t write a check big enough to cure that problem” then its time for worry, fear, haunting, voices from the past, and the sinking feeling that I am swimming in an ocean of waves so turbulent I can’t keep my head above water.

More self talk here….”Barry, you are an idiot. The One who created the Universe with His spoken word knows and cares for you. He invites you to cast all your cares on Him. He implores you to seek His help and here you are trying to swim through this by yourself. You know boy, it’s kind of stupid to go it alone. Yeah, I know you are strong and tough, but why retain the stress. Why not just call on God to help you? Why look to your obviously limited ability to fix things instead of to His unlimited ability? Why faint?”

Pride, I guess. And habit. It’s a habit that “I” have got to “figure out what to do” and that “I” am the “solution.” It’s a bad habit.

So, I need to change. I need to PRAY FIRST. That’ll be good. I’m tired of cracking my head on the floor everytime I faint.