I got a little extra time in the physician’s exam room this week. Came out with a clean bill of cardiac health. Turns out it is all that resistance training that is making my chest hurt. Here’s how part of the conversation went with my physician, Dr. Steve Daugherty:

ME:  Steve,  I’ve heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?

STEVE: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that’s it… Don’t waste them on exercise.  Everything wears out eventually.  Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; it’s like saying you extend the life of a car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take a nap.

ME: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
STEVE:  No, not at all.  Wine is made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.  Beer is also made of grain.  Bottoms up!

ME: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
STEVE: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

ME: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
STEVE:  Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain…good!

ME:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
STEVE:  YOU ARE  NOT LISTENING!  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.  In fact, they are permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?  

ME:  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
STEVE:  Definitely not!  When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.  You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.  

ME:  Is chocolate bad for me?
STEVE:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa beans!  Another vegetable!  Its the best feel-good food around!

ME:  Is swimming good for your figure?
STEVE:  If swimming is good for your figure, explain the whale to me..

ME:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
STEVE:  Hey!  ‘Round’ is shape!

To tell you what a great physician Dr. Daugherty is, he sent me home with a prescription that said “For Kelly Watts” at the top. It then listed three things:

1. Patient needs deep tissue upper and lower back massage daily.
2. Don’t nag. Be a part of the solution.
3. Frequent sex as often as patient indicates need.

He really did send that home with me. I think I may frame it. When my wife read what he’d written she said “That’s why men go to male doctors.” What do you think she meant by that?

Dr. Steve Daugherty is his name. He’s at the Ferrell-Duncan Clinic in Springfield. He’s a fabulous physician. I’d highly recommend him. The only thing wrong with him is he never reads my blog. We’ll see if this gets his attention.

Love ya, Steve.