A friend of mine is in some trouble in his life and marriage. As I wrote to him today I sensed the thoughts might be appropriate for a larger audience who—though they are joining in mid-conversation—might find some help in the thoughts that follow.

The names have been changed to protect the guilty. But the sentiment can apply to anyone.

Blessings! —Barry 

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Good morning, Tom!

I share the disdain you expressed for foxhole prayers, yet I’ve prayed them.

I find spiritual insight in the behavior between children and parents. Even small kids have an “I do it myself!” attitude—until they can’t, and they break down in tears, and bring it to the parent for fixing; a parent who doesn’t judge them for trying to be big and do it themselves, but who simply fixes the problem and makes everything better as an expression of love and care for their child.

I’ve concluded that the geography from which we pray (foxhole) isn’t important to God, he only considers the attitude of the heart that birthed the prayer.

Now on the matter of where you are on the field—first-and-inches-to-goal, or on your own ten with 90 to go—the only thing I know for sure is that God makes all things new. I think that means he takes a field position of fourth down and 90 to go and turns it into first and ten; there’s still work to do, but the opportunity has been reset.

I wouldn’t be surprised at anything you might think about these past 20 years, and about your wife. Whatever it may be, I also am supremely confident that God is willing and able to reset the opportunity for both of you and create beauty where only ashes exist—if that’s the path you choose to pursue.

I read the whole book of Ephesians this morning. Several times it references “God’s mighty power” working in us. Yet you and I and the people who sit around us on Sunday morning haven’t seen much of that power. I wonder if that’s because the line isn’t charged, or if instead maybe the switch isn’t flipped? I suspect a lot of people are sitting in the dark, having flipped the switch, but not understanding that there’s a master breaker out in the garage that still needs to be turned on.

I’m guessing you may be tired…too tired to contemplate what goes into rebuilding a life with your wife and withstanding the challenges that are sure to come. I remember telling a counselor 20 years ago that my battery was totally drained and that the battery posts where you’d hook on the charger had been broken off—-I felt “unrechargable.”

In retrospect that was silly. I’ve been amply recharged many times since then. But at that point in my life, that’s what I felt. And I couldn’t move past the feeling. That’s when somebody else has to do your believing for you.

In those days, I wasn’t close enough to anyone who knew how to believe on my behalf until I could get a little voltage back in the battery. But I know how to believe on your behalf Tom, and I’m willing to believe for you until you begin to experience the tingle of voltage once again.

While I’m willing to talk about your marriage—and think that because of my experience I may have some things to offer in that regard—what I’m really willing to do is help you learn to know God in a whole new way, at a depth I suspect you have never before experienced, in a life-giving power that will enable you to become an overcomer.

I know whereof I speak Tom. The past months have been unquestionably the most difficult and oxygen deprived of my life. Despite that, I am in better shape spiritually and emotionally than I have ever been, and in the best shape physically that I have been in many years. Why? In large part because when I was beginning to fracture around the edges a friend drove three hours and spent a day reminding me of how to put my grip firmly back on the handles, and helped me to keep the cord-that-was-fraying firmly plugged in “to the power that works within you.” (That’s Ephesians again.)

So the hand of friendship I offer you isn’t to fix anything. It’s really to help you bridge the gap between the often-lifeless religion that we both come from, and an abundant life of great vitality that is ushered in when we are “transformed in the renewing of our minds” and begin to see things from a point of view that’s only a couple of degrees different, but that changes everything.

You’re the fighter pilot Tom. You tell me, how much different does a couple of degrees make when you are flying a long sortie? That’s really what life is—a long sortie. Eliminating only a couple of degrees of error on our heading, can change everything about our destination.

My compass and a cup of coffee are ready when you want to sit down and share life together.

All my best regards!

Barry