This evening marks the 29th anniversary of what I call “The Great Kisstake.”  How or why do I remember the date? My Mom’s birthday was yesterday and my friend Cristi’s birthday is today. So…..I just happen to remember the date.

It started simply enough. I knew her. She was a nice girl from a nice enough family. She had a cute car. But she was also a witch. No. Literally. It was the black dress, the pointy hat and the red lipstick that caught my attention on Halloween. And that’s what led to my greatest kisstake only a few days later.

Eleven years later amid the debris of my life there was the haunting consolation of friends who said “We never really could see how you got together.” But I knew. It all started really simply, with a kiss. 

In retrospect, I probably knew better. There were signs to which I should have paid attention, starting with her response to my gentlemanly question “May I kiss you?” (She replied “Why?”) But a team of wild horses couldn’t have stopped me from making the kisstake. I had replaced common-sense with a different kind of sense.

Why do I write about this? Perhaps because my daughters are approaching the age where they might make a kisstake. It all came to mind as they watched one of those shows on the teenybopper channel that had a first kiss story line, and then, I remembered the caution I wish I could impress upon them.

There were other kisses, most of no significance. But somewhere along the journey there is going to be THE kiss, and that’s the one that can trip you up, so you better consider whose lips you lock because it might just lead you to a destination you regret. In my case it ultimately cost me a tremendous amount of heartache, the only career I ever wanted, and left a vulnerable spot that the enemy often attempts to exploit.  But none of it had to happen, and wouldn’t have, if I hadn’t made the kisstake.

Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart…” A little kiss can be the path to the heart. Your heart is too precious. Use careful judgment, and don’t kiss every pucker that comes your way.

A friend of mine is in some trouble in his life and marriage. As I wrote to him today I sensed the thoughts might be appropriate for a larger audience who—though they are joining in mid-conversation—might find some help in the thoughts that follow.

The names have been changed to protect the guilty. But the sentiment can apply to anyone.

Blessings! —Barry 

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Good morning, Tom!

I share the disdain you expressed for foxhole prayers, yet I’ve prayed them.

I find spiritual insight in the behavior between children and parents. Even small kids have an “I do it myself!” attitude—until they can’t, and they break down in tears, and bring it to the parent for fixing; a parent who doesn’t judge them for trying to be big and do it themselves, but who simply fixes the problem and makes everything better as an expression of love and care for their child.

I’ve concluded that the geography from which we pray (foxhole) isn’t important to God, he only considers the attitude of the heart that birthed the prayer.

Now on the matter of where you are on the field—first-and-inches-to-goal, or on your own ten with 90 to go—the only thing I know for sure is that God makes all things new. I think that means he takes a field position of fourth down and 90 to go and turns it into first and ten; there’s still work to do, but the opportunity has been reset.

I wouldn’t be surprised at anything you might think about these past 20 years, and about your wife. Whatever it may be, I also am supremely confident that God is willing and able to reset the opportunity for both of you and create beauty where only ashes exist—if that’s the path you choose to pursue.

I read the whole book of Ephesians this morning. Several times it references “God’s mighty power” working in us. Yet you and I and the people who sit around us on Sunday morning haven’t seen much of that power. I wonder if that’s because the line isn’t charged, or if instead maybe the switch isn’t flipped? I suspect a lot of people are sitting in the dark, having flipped the switch, but not understanding that there’s a master breaker out in the garage that still needs to be turned on.

I’m guessing you may be tired…too tired to contemplate what goes into rebuilding a life with your wife and withstanding the challenges that are sure to come. I remember telling a counselor 20 years ago that my battery was totally drained and that the battery posts where you’d hook on the charger had been broken off—-I felt “unrechargable.”

In retrospect that was silly. I’ve been amply recharged many times since then. But at that point in my life, that’s what I felt. And I couldn’t move past the feeling. That’s when somebody else has to do your believing for you.

In those days, I wasn’t close enough to anyone who knew how to believe on my behalf until I could get a little voltage back in the battery. But I know how to believe on your behalf Tom, and I’m willing to believe for you until you begin to experience the tingle of voltage once again.

While I’m willing to talk about your marriage—and think that because of my experience I may have some things to offer in that regard—what I’m really willing to do is help you learn to know God in a whole new way, at a depth I suspect you have never before experienced, in a life-giving power that will enable you to become an overcomer.

I know whereof I speak Tom. The past months have been unquestionably the most difficult and oxygen deprived of my life. Despite that, I am in better shape spiritually and emotionally than I have ever been, and in the best shape physically that I have been in many years. Why? In large part because when I was beginning to fracture around the edges a friend drove three hours and spent a day reminding me of how to put my grip firmly back on the handles, and helped me to keep the cord-that-was-fraying firmly plugged in “to the power that works within you.” (That’s Ephesians again.)

So the hand of friendship I offer you isn’t to fix anything. It’s really to help you bridge the gap between the often-lifeless religion that we both come from, and an abundant life of great vitality that is ushered in when we are “transformed in the renewing of our minds” and begin to see things from a point of view that’s only a couple of degrees different, but that changes everything.

You’re the fighter pilot Tom. You tell me, how much different does a couple of degrees make when you are flying a long sortie? That’s really what life is—a long sortie. Eliminating only a couple of degrees of error on our heading, can change everything about our destination.

My compass and a cup of coffee are ready when you want to sit down and share life together.

All my best regards!

Barry

In my reading this morning I was ambling through I Corinthians in a less than perfectly attentive manner when I stumbled across a seemingly innocuous comment of St. Paul’s that I’ve read hundreds of times and never paid any attention. He wrote in chapter 16 verse 9 “But I will stay on at Ephesus until Pentecost, because a great door for effective work has opened to me, AND there are many who oppose me.”

That phrase pierced my heart! The “great doors” I want to pass through are surrounded by “many who oppose.” Opportunity brings opposition.

On those days when the difficulty seems insurmountable and you want to throw in the towel, just remember……it could be because you are standing at a great door of opportunity. Don’t stop. Keep on walking. There’s something big on the other side.

Seven months ago I had to euthanize my faithful companion, Sport. Sport was my farm dog. He ate afterbirth and cow manure, licked my face if I wasn’t careful to keep him back, and rode everywhere on the gator with me. He’d hop into the passenger seat of the gator as I was starting the engine, and before I could get my hand off the key he would claw at my arm because he wanted my arm resting on him as we drove along.  I learned to start and shift gears fast because you couldn’t remove your hand from Sporty for more than a second.

Sport’s final gator ride. You can see in his eyes he was hurting.

About three months ago a new pup came to live at our house. His name is Brewster, but I named him incorrectly. I probably should have called him “Squirt” for reasons you can likely imagine.

This morning dawned crisp and fall-like. I took my normal seat on the porch where I meet with God most mornings. After I’d read my daily chapter of Proverbs and several Psalms (aloud) I sat my Bible on the table beside my chair, let my hands fall into my lap, closed my eyes and began to pray. In just a few seconds I felt a wet, cold muzzle on my hand. Brewster was needing love.

I normally shoo him away at times like this, but today I just reached out and petted him as I continued to pray. I held his head in my hands while he sat there in front of me, and it occurred to me that Brewster was praying, too. As I observed him praying to his God (that’d be me), he actually taught me something about how to pray. Brewster and I have somethings in common when we pray.

#1. We want to know that God loves us. The presence of my hand on Brewster’s head is a sign to him that I know he’s there, and that I love him. That’s what I want when I pray. I want to sense that God hasn’t forgotten me and knows that I am there.

After a few minutes with my hand on his head I withdrew it, and Brewster immediately reached his nose back into my lap so I’d restore my hand to his head. He and I both crave a constant sense of God’s presence. When I’m praying I’m asking God to take me into his lap, or to at least place his hand on my head so I’ll know He’s there, and that I can feel the love of His touch.

Brewster. I should’a named him “Squirt”

#2. We want to know that God will protect us. Brewster’s (and Sport’s) insistence that my hand stay in contact is protection for them. Its reassurance that when the big, bad, monster of life comes, Daddy will make it OK.

A few morning’s ago as I sat on the porch I heard Brewster scream from the far side of the yard. He’d just met the electric fence for the first time and he hightailed it back to my side yelping and screaming. He needed comfort; someone to quiet him and tell him it was OK. That’s what I want from God when I pray.

#3. We want assurance God will provide for us. At the end of the day, Brewster’s only hope is that I’ll provide for him. His comfort, his provision, his food, his safety, and his very life are in my hands. (In fact, that’s why he lost his testicles a few days ago. But that’s another story. I don’t think we have to fear God will neuter us.)

Brewster instinctively knows that if I don’t provide for him, he’s DOL—-Dog Outta Luck!

Brewster’s discomfort when my hand leaves his head is because he wants assurance. I want that, too. When I read the Psalms I get the sense that the psalmist wanted that same assurance. Over and over he asks for God’s hand to move on his behalf.

The older I get the less certain I am, or perhaps the more fragile life seems. You can go from the top of the world to the bottom of the pit in a nanosecond. We see it happen everyday to people all around us. When my foot slips a bit my mind races to the possibility that I could be crashing. That’s when I need  re-assurance that God is there, that He knows I am here, and that He will take the responsibility of providing for me. I just need to stay close at his feet and keep my head under his hand.

I’ve heard of “working like a dog.” I’m basically against that. But I aspire to “pray like a dog.”

Thanks, Brewster for the lessons.

There’s only one thing Brewster does that I think might not be appropriate when I am seeking God’s face. Let’s just say that I hope God doesn’t put his hand on my head and say “Bless you, Squirt.”

I speak and teach alot about “Right Thinking” and today my friend, colleague, and mentor David Edens shared with me two concepts that fall in line with right thinking.

Here are two ways to multiply success:

1. Do it RIGHT!
2. Do it RIGHT NOW!

Many people don’t want to put out the effort to do it right. Immediately that old adage “If you don’t have time to do it right the first time how will you ever find time to do it over” comes to mind.

Others are willing to do it right……someday! But on my calendar I can’t find “someday.” I see MonDAY and TuesDAY , WednesDAY, ThursDAY and FriDAY but I don’t see someDAY. TODAY is the day! Let’s move forward. Let’s move forward correctly. And let’s move forward now! That’s the nature of success in business.

Working in Mergers & Acquisitions I’m always surprised when brokers have a lackadaisical attitude about representing their sellers and aren’t prompt in providing complete and thorough information. Hello! Nobody gets paid until the deal closes. The deal can’t close until the introductions are made, the information is exchanged, the due diligence is performed, and the agreements are established. When is that going to start? How about now?

I’m also puzzled by people trying to sell their companies or looking for capital infusions without having done the hard work to get the company up and into presentable shape and ready for its story to be sold. If you haven’t clearly articulated precisely what is being sold, and your financials aren’t exact and audited, you aren’t in the right position to sell your business. When is that going to happen?

Think about the massive progress you could make if you’d make the decision to do it RIGHT and do it RIGHT NOW!