While visiting with my attorney recently I mentioned testifying in a trial in which the attorney had been very nervous; inappropriately so, it seemed to me. He said “Yes, but you are more confident than most people.”

He’s right. I am.

In reflecting on that conversation, I’ve been wandering around in my brain asking myself questions like: from where does confidence come? Why are some people more confident than others? What is confidence? Does confidence matter? How can you develop more confidence?

Are you a confident person? Why or why not? How do you feel around people who are strongly confident?

What is Confidence?

I think it is simply believing. Believing in yourself. Believing in others. Believing in God.

Confidence is assurance. Assurance is being certain. So perhaps confidence is being certain.

Core Value #3 in our company is Confidence in your Competence. That’s simply being certain that you have the ability to execute your responsibilities effectively. It’s the shooter stepping up to the free throw line with no time on the clock certain that he can make the basket. It’s the surgeon boldly cutting into the body because she is certain of where to cut. It’s the athlete who when his team is behind and it is late in the game says “Give me the ball. I’ll carry it over the goal line.” It’s the soprano who in the climax of the piece, right after that pregnant pause, has the courage to nail the high note at full volume, certain that she could.

Confidence is knowing that you know; knowing that you can. It is the ability to trust yourself to deliver the result for you. It is the inner assurance of a favorable outcome.

Does Confidence Matter?

Confidence is the key ingredient to success. A technically precise pianist who never misses a note can melt down in a performance failure if lacking confidence. A salesman who doesn’t believe will never bring his solution to bear with a prospect if he is lacking in certainty that his solution is the absolute best one for the prospect.

I want my surgeon to be confident in his knowledge of anatomy, and my lawyer to be confident not just in their knowledge of the law, but in their instinctive ability to successfully present my case before the court with bold assertion. I want my preacher to be confident in the message he brings, the authority it rests on, the power of God to do the impossible and the fondness of God for a guy like me who doesn’t deserve it.

So yes, I’d say confidence matters. It matters a lot! You cannot be successful if you are not confident.

Sources of Confidence

So where do you get confidence? Your parents? Your education? Can you buy it through an online store?

I know one lady whose confidence comes from her genes. She was heard to recently say “My parents ran this town when they were alive, and now I’m going to.” Oh, she’s got confidence, but as you might guess it’s misplaced. She’s not getting traction with genetic confidence.

Back in the dark ages—when I went to college—it was true that if you got a medical or law degree that you had the ticket to financial success; you could be confident that your future was economically and socially secure. However, I’ve had enough brainless doctors as clients and seen enough hungry lawyers to know that entrusting your confidence to those professional degrees would definitely be misplacing your certainty.

Some people get their confidence from a bottle. We call that “liquid courage.” But sources indicate that wears off quickly and definitely leaves you worse for the wear. In fact, many people have done stupid things fortified with this kind of confidence. I’ve got a 45 year old buddy who is practically crippled from that kind of confidence. It seems in college he got his confidence up and decided to tackle on of those snorkle-type, street corner mailboxes.

Ouch!

Starting in junior high and extending throughout life, many people get their confidence from what other people think of them. They dress, talk, and conduct themselves in ways that they believe will cause others to think or speak highly of them. The join clubs, seek out “friends” (in quotes because they aren’t really), and drive certain vehicles because they believe being part of that group, accepted by that person, or looking successful behind the wheel of a particular sports car will give them status. In my experience those folks sometimes look good, and usually have cool stuff, but they are often shallow, hollow, empty people starved for relationships and hungry for authenticity.

Don’t get me wrong. Dressing well, educating yourself, and putting your best foot forward can certainly contribute to success. But ultimately confidence is internal. It doesn’t come from any of the external sources pursued by the vast majority of people.
he Ultimate Source of Confidence

Easter Sunday seems like the right time to share with you what I believe is the ultimate source of confidence.

The Bible teaches that Jesus died for man’s sin and that if I were the only man who ever lived, or the only man who ever sinned, Jesus would have died in my place; for me alone. In so doing, God “priced” me. He said I was worth the life of His most precious son. He put a value on me and it is a high one.

Enormous, really.

So, in light of the value that God has placed on me, suddenly, what you think of me doesn’t matter so much. Whether I pass all the “cool” tests and “awesome” factors doesn’t really matter too much. Driving an old beater, a Ford F150, or a (OK, I’m not a car guy, so insert the hottest, coolest car of your choice here) suddenly becomes irrelevant.

You see my friend, I am confident because God loves me. He doesn’t love me because I am good. He doesn’t love me because I write big checks to charity. He doesn’t love me because I DO anything. No, He loves me because His nature is to love.

No longer feeling the need to search for or prove my worth, I am confident because my worth was established on the cross. In dying for me Jesus not only paid for my sins, but He established my value. I am worth the life of the greatest man who ever lived. He gave me dignity. He gave me a sense of assurance that I can face any challenge knowing He’ll be right there with me. He promised me Heaven when I die, His closest companionship while I walk the earth, and His power to do everything He asks of me.

I can boldly go where others fear. I can boldly say what others won’t (you know…..wouldn’t want them to think badly of me). I can speak truth. I can take risks. I can cry in public without fearing that I’ll appear weak. I can put my arms around my buddies and hug them tight and kiss their cheeks without risking my manhood.

I AM confident. I can do ALL THINGS. I can do all things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me.

And you can, too. The power is available to everyone. Maybe you ought to check and see if your cord is plugged into the outlet.

When Jesus died on the cross He put a price on you as well. In fact, you and I are both valued exactly the same. We’re worth the price of God’s most precious and only Son.

How’s your confidence?

Put your hope and faith in the right place. The only right measure of your value is the cross.

The world needs confident men and women to make a difference. Be one!

Praise and protest broke out in Iowa this week as the Supreme Court in that state ruled to legalize homosexual marriage; proof that a law degree and an appointment to the Supreme Court does not an intellectual giant make.

For all the places we disagree, God Bless the four Catholic Bishops of Iowa who issued a wise statement saying in part:

This decision rejects the wisdom of thousands of years of human history. It implements a novel understanding of marriage, which will grievously harm families and children.

This unwarranted social engineering attacks the good that marriage offers to society, especially the good of children, and weakens the critical relationship between marriage and parenting.

Let’s set one thing straight. I am not anti-homosexual. I am anti-homosexual behavior & practice. I understand that people have “issues” in their life that are confusing and troublesome, and propensities that if unrestrained lead to unacceptable behaviors. But those issues and propensities are no license to sin. If they were, we’d probably all have murdered someone long ago, we men of presently understood good character would spread our genes with wanton abandon, and drowning your sorrows in your chemical of choice would be accepted as “the right way” to deal with your issue.

It is my understanding of scripture (the Bible, which I hold to be authoritative in the matters of morality to which it speaks—and if you don’t that might explain why you could disagree with me on this issue. So what is your source of authority? Really? Does it extend outside of yourself? Is it decided by popular vote? Where does the buck stop? Is that your final answer? Or, is it still subject to change?) that homosexual behavior is sinful, as are stealing, gluttony, drunkenness, divisive behavior, fits of anger, and gossip to name a few. There is no ranking of better or worse among them. These are sins; a manifestation of the chaos which ensues when man declares himself independent of God.

Unfortunately, people of otherwise good sense have grown weak on this issue; first weak in their minds, and then in their resolve. In a misdirected spirit of cooperation and in effort to get along with others we’ve too quickly chosen to embrace the mantra “live and let live.” As a result, we who know better find ourselves sleepily sliding into an attitude of “Ah, if they wanna get married, let ‘em. Who cares?” And that my friend, is a problem. If you are guilty of it you need to repent (that means “turn around”) and stand up for what is simply right.

It stands to reason that for something to be “endorsed by a society” it must be acceptable if everyone in a society did the thing. With regard to this issue, if everyone practiced homosexuality the species would die out. To a simple mind like mine, that’s proof enough that it’s not part of God’s design or intent for those He created, any more than it was his intent that the Shakers abstain from sexual relations. That particular approach hasn’t served them very well (though some of us inherited fine furniture when the Shakers died out thanks to their warped notion.)

The old jokes about God making Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve aside, it is simply a fact that marriage between a man and a woman is woven into the fabric of society throughout human history. Husbands and wives having children, raising families, working, producing in the economy, seeking a better life, taking care of their neighbor——-that’s the foundation of our culture in America. Beyond our shores, a husband and a wife is the very building block of human culture.

Homosexuals don’t like it when we ask “What’s next? Marrying your pet? It stands to reason since I know you love him.” The pro-homosexuality movement believes this to be talking down to them. It isn’t. It isn’t even about them. It’s about the slippery slope humans find themselves on when they abandon logic, common sense, and the moral underpinnings of human history.

If in our enlightenment we decide that this suddenly isn’t a moral wrong, then what keeps us in the future from changing other bedrock principles of human dignity from overtly wrong, to suddenly right? What keeps us from deciding that euthanizing the infirm isn’t wrong? We’ve all seen situations where death was welcome. Why not hasten it? And if euthanasia is good for us, what about people whose medical care is deemed “too expensive” or those who are no longer productive in our society. Wouldn’t it be alright to exterminate them as well? Now that I think about it, there are people of a different political and philosophical persuasion than me. I don’t think they are good for America. Let’s exterminate them.

Where does it stop? Why does it stop? If there are no moral absolutes, then there are no moral absolutes. If there are absolutes, from where do they come? It must be from some source other than yourself, otherwise my absolute can trump your absolute and ultimately it comes down to the biggest bully wins.

Think about this: I don’t like my neighbor. Why can’t I kill him? He’s no different than a rabid dog to me. Shoot him!

Oh, but wait. I can’t do that. Why not? It’s wrong! What makes it wrong? Why is it wrong? I just want to live in peace and I can’t as long as he’s my neighbor, so get him out of the way. Don’t I have a right to the pursuit of happiness?

You see, you do believe there is right and wrong. You wouldn’t let me shoot my neighbor. A sense of right and wrong is internal to all humans, sharpened by teaching and enlightenment. In fact, enlightenment should provide greater clarity regarding morality, rather than plunging us into murky darkness which envelopes those for whom there are no absolutes.

What’s required in times like these, and really in all times, is for good men and women of sound character and intellect to stand and speak truth. With regard to this issue the truth is homosexual desire and behavior is not in the natural order of things. The truth is homosexual activity is sin. The truth is there are absolutes. The truth is no other sexual behavior in human history is formally codified as acceptable. We do it, but we don’t have a law that says we can do it. In fact, laws are about taking rights away, not giving them. We don’t pass laws to give rights. In his comparatively primitive day Thomas Jefferson knew rights were “unalienable.”

I encourage you when this topic comes up around the water cooler, at the mailbox, or over the lunch table to lovingly and non-rabidly, with great gentleness, speak the simple truth. Be a leader who is strong for that which is good and right. It is much easier to just not say anything, or to acquiesce to the militant demands of those who want us to agree with them. It’s easier to tickle their ears in agreement than to risk their scorn in disagreement. Yet I am convinced that only weak men and women always agree. People of strength and leadership are unafraid to engage disagreement because they recognize that such discourse is necessary for the working out, dusting off, and mining from the earth of human thought those concepts and ideas that are best and right for themselves and all the people they represent and to whom they’ll leave the world.

In human relations there are areas that are gray and murky where we may be forced to come to “best effort” conclusions that may in fact miss the mark. But let us not be confused on something as simple and foundational as the understanding that marriage is between one man and one woman. You and I must be men and women of gracious leadership who stand strong in the face of criticism and insist that there are indeed some things that are wrong and some things that are right. Though flawed ourselves, we are able to discern the difference. Will we have the courage to speak the truth?

Go make a difference!

I was recently a guest on Bryan Dodge’s radio show on WBAP in Dallas (see his website) after which we had great steaks at the Saltgrass Steak House (always a good place for a steak…..I eat there nearly every time I’m in Dallas) and talked for a few hours.

Our conversation was intense—go figure, Bryan is a wonderfully intense guy. At one point he said to me in his best imitation of an Old Testament Prophet, “A bigger wave is approaching. Be sure you step forward on the board.”

Huh?

“Step forward on the board.” He repeated.

The look of brilliant clarity on my face revealed my confusion, so he explained to me that he was speaking “surfer dude” language. Apparently he’s taken some surfing lessons and learned that when you are on a wave, transitioning to a larger wave, your intuition is to step backward on your board in effort to elevate the front of your board onto the top of the next wave. If you do this you’ll wipe out. Instead, you must act counter-intuitively and step forward on your board. The pressure on the front of the board actually causes the board to rise on the water. (About now all my physics friends are saying “well, yeah” and the rest of us are still going “Huh!”)

Bryan went on to admonish me “Don’t just lean forward. If you lean (meaning you haven’t really committed, you’ve just sort of paid token attention—-put in half-hearted effort) you’ll also wipe out. You must step both feet fully forward on the board.” You must commit to the next wave.

Interestingly enough this conversation came in the middle of one of the biggest weeks of accomplishment I’d ever experienced, both professionally and personally. An enormous period of accomplishment had led up to an incredibly huge week capped off by my dinner with Bryan. What he didn’t know though, was that I had said to a couple of key leaders on my team on more than one occasion that week “I feel like we are riding a huge wave and I just need to be sure and stay on the board. Don’t do anything stupid and wipe out.” Then Bryan comes along and without knowing of my wave metaphor says “Step forward on the board.”

That’s awesome. And if you think God doesn’t orchestrate things like that, we’ll then your brain is broken.

That conversation was two weeks ago. Every day since I’ve been thinking about what it means for me to step forward on the board.

What would it mean for you to step forward on the board? In what area are you holding back, slacking off, or hesitating? What big wave of opportunity awaits evidence of your commitment?

I’m convinced some people commit “surfer suicide.” They see the next big wave and it scares them because they know it is going to require them to get out of their comfort zone and develop new capabilities. So instead of stepping forward into greater achievement, they step back and “accidentally” intentionally wipe out.

Next time I see you will you be hangin’ ten? Or, are you going to have sand in your shorts?

Step forward on the board!