WARNING: What I have written here may offend you. If it does, I hope you’ll stop and think through the logic of it, and give pause to consider whether it might be truth. I’ll trust and honor the decision you make once you’ve thought it through.

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This Makes Sense: When you come to the light hanging over the roadway, if it is green, then go on. But if it is red, then stop.

And, this Makes Sense: Thirty years ago when I was a student at the University of Missouri and a fruity little company named Apple had just released their first MacIntosh I had a class where they taught us to write code. I don’t remember much from that class, but I do remember that they taught “If-Then” statements so that as the computer “thought” when it came to a fork in the road “if” a certain thing were true, then the computer did a certain thing, and “if” a certain thing were false then the computer did something else.

These “If-Then” statements about computers and stoplights make perfectly logical sense to us. We abide by them and don’t argue with them. They are socially acceptable. But now, I’m going to introduce you to an “If-But” statement that most people object to.

Similar, but Socially Unacceptable:  In a book written nearly 3000 years ago by a man believed to have been raised in aristocracy and ultimately executed because his socially unacceptable call to higher living offended people, a leader wrote to people saying that they had forgotten God. They were still acting religious but their religious offerings and behaviors were “detestable” because they weren’t offered from pure hearts. Their religion had become a “transactional business relationship” instead of a “love affair of devotion.” (How does that work in your marriage?) And they were far from God.

Isaiah challenged Israel’s behavior and then wrote this interesting, logical “If-But” statement: “If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land (sounds good doesn’t it); but if you resist and rebel, you will be devoured by the sword (ouch, that’s bad).” (Isaiah 1:19-20)

I’m pretty sure I could gather a random group of people and get them to buy in on the “If-Then” logic of stop lights and computer programming, but when presented with the “If-But” logic of living under God, they’d rebel with much protestation saying things like “How can an educated and sophisticated man like you believe such a fairy tale” or “There is no such thing as absolute truth” or other such goofy, uninformed and intellectually weak arguments. Humans object to being ruled by anyone or anything—even themselves—and the notion of bowing before God the Creator offends their self-righteousness, and their self-grandeur.

The simple truth is you and I can’t be righteous in and of ourselves. Our righteousness can only be bought through the blood of Jesus shed on the cross. And grand? Well, yes we are—grand creations living out the grandeur Heaven values when we are living God’s way, doing God’s work, empowered by God’s Holy Spirit. Alternatively, we’re a heap of dung.

Not a very socially acceptable message, was it? Are you offended yet? Don’t be. Come instead and join me in bowing before a loving creator who wants more for us than we do for ourselves. Luke, one of the men who traveled with Jesus recorded this quote from Jesus “What Father, if his son asks for a fish will give him a snake? Of if he asks for an egg will he give him a scorpion? How much more will your Father in Heaven give……to those who ask Him.” (Luke 11:11-13)

God is good. He has good in mind for you. He’s got simple rules, and most of them are logical. This one certainly is.

All the blessing that Heaven can afford (stop and think about how much Heaven can afford) is waiting for you. If………

I’m no Dear Abby, but I’m playing one on the blog today. A reader recently sent me an email saying: “I quit going to the church that my husband feels called to go to. It’s a VERY small church & I’ve felt judged by several people there because of struggles I’ve been having in my spiritual life. The sermons also often make me angry…perhaps because they touch on things about God & Christianity that frustrate me. Anyway, me staying home has made our home WAY more peaceful on Sunday afternoons. My husband thinks I should submit to his authority (like a good Christian wife) & go to church anyway. What do you think?”

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Dear Reader,

Your question reminds me of that old entrapment trick question “Have you quite beating your wife yet?” Either answer indicts you, and so I suspect that any answer I give to your question could subject me to similar danger. So, here goes…..

You reference a struggle in your marriage and frustration with God and Christianity. Don’t feel special. We all have marital issues, and either things about God and faith matters that confuse or frustrate us. The first thing to realize is that you aren’t by yourself. You should also know that all around you are dozens of like minded people of faith who are stumbling in a similar manner. The sooner we are all honest about that and live out our faith in honest community with one another, the better marriages and more grounded spiritual lives we’ll have.

Here are some thoughts about your specific query.

First: I suspect that this really isn’t about going to church. I could be wrong, but I’m guessing there is something else going on within your marriage relationship that is just erupting at this particular point. Infection is like that. It’s contained within your body, it finds a stronghold somewhere, and then the infection grows until a boil erupts through your skin. So I’d be asking myself some honest and heartfelt questions about the state of my marriage first.

Second: You speak of struggles in your spiritual life. There’s nothing shocking or shameful about that. Let me ask: If you were having a struggle with your vision what would you do? If you were having a struggle with your plumbing at home, what would you do? In both cases you’d seek help. So have you sought help from a skilled and wise practitioner regarding the spiritual things that nag you?

I’ve learned—mostly since my own crisis going on two decades ago—that our spiritual strengths, weaknesses, and problems have much to do with our nutrition, digestion, and exercise. Are you ingesting the right things? Are you practicing the disciplines of sound-minded “Right Thinking” that produce a harvest of right behaviors, right attitudes, and right actions in your life? And finally, what are you doing to become stronger spiritually?

The first thing I recommend you do is give up! You and I both come from a religious tradition that emphasizes that salvation is Christ’s work alone, but our church tradition is full of good-sounding but guilt-inducing mechanisms which lull us onto a treadmill of praying more, reading our Bible more, volunteering more. It’s “works-based salvation” by a different name. Give it up!

I read my Bible a lot, virtually every day. I pray throughout many of my days. But I’m not reading and praying and doing because I “ought” to. Instead its like eating and exercising to me. If I don’t do it, I’ll grow weaker, less flexible, and unable to function as I was intended. If I do, do it. I grow stronger and my life works better. I engage in spiritual disciples because I need them and they work, not because I ought to.

Thirdly: People’s judgements don’t matter, unless you empower them. As you know, I’ve experienced my share of judgement. It always mattered to me A LOT because I craved approval. But when you figure out that your value was totally and solely determined by what Jesus did for you on the cross (stop and read that statement again), then what other people think about you really doesn’t matter. In fact, the older and wiser I grow the less I feel the need to judge others. I recognize their shortcomings as the product of their nature, environment, decisions, and information. So if I judge them its on whether they are seeking to learn more (starting with God), think better thoughts which produce better decisions, and submit themselves to people and an environment where they can grow. To hell with what people think about you!

Fourthly: By all means you should submit to your husband…and…he should submit to you. Husbands who employ caveman tactics of clubbing their wives over the head, and wives who kick like jackasses at their husbands merely prove they don’t get it. It’s about mutual submission. My wife will submit to me, but I won’t ask her to submit to anything that she stridently disagrees with. Similarly, if she was reluctant to do what I asked, she’d still make every effort to cooperate with me because its me and she loves me. We move toward each other. And we find happiness in the middle.

Incidentally, this moving toward each other starts in the bedroom, but that’s fodder for another day. I’ll just say this: throw yourself more enthusiastically into sex, and you’ll be surprised how he’ll come around to your way of thinking. And guys should know if they’ll spiffy up and demonstrate more gracious thoughtfulness—and listen, wow, they like to talk. You gotta listen—-she’ll be more interested in the bedroom. It’s about each giving what the other wants, instead of withholding it selfishly.

Fifthly: I think this struggle is evidence of Satan’s work to destroy you, and neutralize the positive impact of your marriage. When I mention something like this, many people bristle or wave me off as old-fashioned—like I believe in the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus. But the simple truth is evil exists. It is rooted in the person of Lucifer. You and I came of age in a time when “God is Dead” was popular. In our church tradition we never bought into the myth that God was dead, but we more or less allowed the notion of Satan to expire. As a result we weren’t taught much about how to deal with spiritual oppression despite the fact that Jesus repeatedly taught that our enemies were spiritual forces working through humans, and the Bible is full of teaching on spiritual warfare. Why would that teaching be necessary if there weren’t indeed a battle going on for the lives of men and women, boys and girls, and marriages? When my wife and I are engaged in marital warfare, I eventually always get my wits about me and realize that it’s not her, its satanic or demonic interference to destroy the fabulous thing we have.

I don’t see a boogey-man behind every bush, but as long as you and I deny, ignore, or remain oblivious to the work of the Devil, he’ll continue to successfully impede our experience of the abundant life that Jesus promised in John 10:10. Remember, Jesus himself said “The Devil seeks to kill and destroy.”

Recognizing who and what your enemy is—thinking rightly—is one of your first steps to finding healing.

Finally: You need the church. You may not need what is offered at the gathering your husband wants to participate in on Sunday that refers to itself as “church.” But you need the companionship, encouragement & accountability of the people who know Jesus’ power to change lives and who are living in pursuit of Him. Whether you get that down at First Assembly of Whatever, or in a small group that meets regularly to focus on spiritual growth, you need to be with people and share Jesus-centered community. It’s in those groups that four things happen: #1. You can know, and be known. #2. You can love, and be loved. #3. You can serve, and be served. #4. You can celebrate, and be celebrated. Worship and teaching in an environment organized around those four things creates an atmosphere where you, your mate, and your family can work out the issues of abundant daily living empowered by Jesus in you.

I’ve been thinking much about young ministers lately. About their dreams, the abilities, their disabilities, the skills they have and lack. I can do this—I believe fairly—because I once was one.

One of the things that occurs to me is that (here come the rotten tomatoes) most ministers I know spin their wheels and don’t accomplish much. They generally have good intent, but feeble execution. Nothing in their training or their apprenticeship teaches them “how” to work effectively, and how to “accomplish” with all their doing. So they spend energy and create heat and friction, but, at the end of the day, the answer to the critical question of “Has the ball been moved forward for God” is often “No.”

I believe one of the reasons for this is ineffective use of their time. Again, nothing in ministerial training or apprenticeship teaches them how to maximize the output results from their efforts. In fact, the theological life cultivates a “have another cup of coffee and ponder and reflect some more, oops, wait, I’ve got lunch scheduled down at the coffee shop” kind of mentality. The effort is physically exhausting. Expending energy and not accomplishing much usually is. And it is mentally and emotionally draining as well. Therein lies a susceptibility to moral failure (sexual impropriety) that affects not only ministers, but rising professionals and executives of every stripe.

In the absence of a full, and meaningful schedule that is effectively accomplishing much, there can be too much idle time and too much discouragement. It’s in that idle time and feeling of ineffectiveness (impotence?) that the seeds of immorality germinate and sprout.

We all know the story of David—the chosen one of God; “a man after God’s own heart” the scripture says—and his dalliance with the likely alluring Bathsheba. What may be overlooked in the story where David was and what he wasn’t doing when this whole affair began. History records that David was strolling on the rooftop of his palace and his gaze innocently enough fell onto the naked bathing beauty during “the Springtime, when all the Kings had gone off to war.”

Wait! David was a King. Why wasn’t he at war?

We don’t know the answer. But the implication is that David was in a place if idleness and un-achievement during this most notable incident of moral failure. We can speculate that not being where he was supposed to be (with the other kings at war) was demoralizing to him, emotionally discouraging, and that he wasn’t experiencing fulfillment. That left him emotionally vulnerable.

Work is highly over-rated. Nobody much talks about achievement. But its the achievement and accomplishment that are satisfying and progressive for everyone who is depending on you, and achievement is the purpose of the work. The “forty vs. sixty” hour work week is irrelevant when compared to the larger issue of achievement. But I think most of us sacrifice our achievement by whoring around with the “validation” that comes from saying we worked long hours. Those long hours create an emptiness that haunts us when we consider our lack of achievement. We fill that emptiness with things that aren’t necessarily good for us, and are sometimes immoral.

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A Note to Ministers: I know you ministry types are reading this and likely feel like I’ve been “reading your mail.” If “achievement” matters and you want tools and teaching to help you “engage your transmission” so that all the energy your spending results in forward progress, respond to the blog using the link below. I’ll share some ideas privately. And, if enough respond, we’ll even gather a group of you and learn together. I care about you. You are good men and women tasked with important work. May God bless your efforts with the great satisfaction of progress.

I wouldn’t presume to be able to clearly and fully articulate with exact precision what it means to “be a Christian.” But a recent event in our own community has given me pause to reflect……

The former president of the local PTA has been arrested for stealing money from the organization. About $38,000 is missing. The press reports she’s admitted her guilt.

This is a woman we know. Practically everyone does. She’s lived large in attempt to be known—as many insecure people do—attempting to find acceptance. Besides heavy involvement in school she’s also served on the local city council. She and her children have been in our home. Her oldest daughter is the same age as mine. That’s where this story is going.

Another lady who I consider a friend, and who is an overt Christian, is said to have instructed her child to have nothing to do with the children of the alleged thief because “you are known by the company you keep.” Meanwhile, a third friend of mine (who does not profess Christ) has stepped up in great concern over how this woman’s children may be ostracized because of their mother’s crime. You know, teenaged girls can be cruel.

Who is right, my friend the Christian who vows disassociation, or my friend who doesn’t believe, but is overt in being gracious to the children? No question: I’m with the pagan. My Christian sister has missed the point. If ever these children (and the alleged thief herself) needed to see the love of God in action its now. The woman deserves and will likely get whatever punishment comes from her crime, but to ostracize her children because of their mother’s crimes would unfairly and unrighteously compound the damage. If these kids are to survive the upheaval in their family life they need a vivid demonstration of acceptance and graciousness. They need a refuge from the Hell that has enveloped their lives, not an indictment from those of us with theological expertise on Hell. Which brings me to the question: what does it mean to be Christian?

I believe those of us who call ourselves Christian have gradually slid into grave error by defining “Christian” by the language a person chooses, the beverages they drink, the movies they watch, the tattoos they have, what they do or have done with their sexual organs, etc. We’ve missed the whole point. We who have received grace live and behave as if we’d never needed it in the first place. That’s a real problem. It’s living like a Pharisee, who coincidentally were the most frequent targets of Jesus’ wrath.

Language that lifts is important—even scriptural—but sometimes certain words that those who are thought to be righteous wouldn’t use are in fact quite appropriate.

A friend of mine from long ago has politically maneuvered himself into being the leader of the largest denomination in our state. In a sermon carried by press across the state he recently trotted out the archaic Baptist sugar-stick about avoiding alcohol. In his sermon he essentially said “The Bible doesn’t say it’s a sin, but you still shouldn’t drink it.” Huh? He squandered a great opportunity to speak grace into our state and chose instead to beat people up over something that Jesus himself doesn’t condemn. He chose his topic—in my opinion—to ingratiate himself with a bunch of other guys in dark suits who also have their heads up…….er, in the sand.

Parenthetically, I remember a discussion with a Sunday School friend of mine about how Jesus related to people. The question I posed had to do with whether Jesus would sit down at the South Avenue Bar in Springfield and talk with the guys while they (and he?) had a beer. My friend finally balanced the emotional shock in her brain buy saying “Jesus wouldn’t go into the bar, but he’d stand out front on the sidewalk and talk with the people before they went in.” (OK, go ahead and guffaw!!! I know. I’m embarrassed to be associated with such weak thinkers.) By contrast, I find it delightful that some Jesus’ followers are taking the risk of hosting “Theology on Tap” nights at local establishments where the claims of Christ are presented to people who—gasp—are drinking beer.

I’ve been doing a lot of studying in the Old Testament lately, particularly surrounding King David who the Bible says was a man after God’s own heart. But let me tell you, David was a horny fellow, too. The sex and innuendo gets steamy, and that is outside of the Bathsheba episode. In fact, sex in the Old Testament is far from puritanical. It’s embraced as a normal part of healthy living, and is abusable just like drink, or language, or everything else. Our challenge is to embrace all of these passions and interests in a way that honors God, rather than making fools of ourselves and a mockery of him in the process.

The point I am feebly trying to make is that you aren’t a Christian because you have a plastic fish emblem on the back of your car, or because you do or don’t drink beer, or because you always maintain your composure and never utter a word that is verboten among Christians, or don’t have a tattoo on your butt or breast or……, didn’t tongue kiss before you got married. You aren’t even a Christian because you are nice to people and act like Jesus. One can only “be a Christian” by bowing their knee before the higher throne of Jesus, accepting his death as payment for their sin, asking His forgiveness, embracing His resurrection power to live beyond sin, and pledging their lives to follow Him. And then…..we go out and love people, seek to do good, to make a difference in the world, always telling the story of the one who loved us enough to die for us when we were unlovely and unworthy, and who loves them just the same. Then we invite them to follow Him alongside us.

Jesus was a friend of sinners. Those who follow him should be, too.

Shannon, you and your kids are welcome at my house anytime. In fact, I’d like to tell you about a friend of mine……..

I’ve just returned from a wonderful vacation in Mexico. The closer you get to the equator in February, the more clothing becomes optional. So, at a Mexican beach resort you see some interesting things. There are middle aged guys like me wearing trunks pulled up past our navel (except when we go out to eat at night, then we wear leather dress shoes and white socks); middle aged European guys over 30 years beyond the expiration date on their Speedo; and their European wives/girlfriends/consorts who…..well, the girls at my southern Missouri swimming pool weren’t allowed to do that when I was a kid. Oh, and then there are the thongs. You’ve gotta love butt floss.

Whatever.

The most interesting things I saw on the beach were the tattoos (and, that tattoos were the most interesting thing may actually be a bit telling about my advancing age, but I digress). Wow! People are painted up. Alot. And, it’s not pretty. Usually.

I saw one guy who had a huge tattoo across his back—-literally looked like a billboard. It said “Only God will judge me, and he doesn’t exist.”

If he’s right, then he’s right. But if I’m right, then he’s gonna have some ‘splainin’ to do.

Wouldn’t that be a cool talking piece if that guy became a follower? The amazing thing is that Jesus can forgive idiots who paint stuff like that on their body in permanent ink, and idiots like me too, of course.